AFool Taking Responsibility
 
        Like many of you, I've made mistakes.  I lied about why my homework wasn't done; I've lent money to people I shouldn't have; I've used the word "love" too soon; I tried the new three cheese taco at Taco Bell; and like many people, I blamed someone else for what I had done.
        One of the most common trends these days is passing the blame.  You can't keep a job; it's the manager's fault.  Failing a class?  Well, it must be the teacher's fault.  The new Camaro was destroyed: nope, it had nothing to do with you being drunk.  It was peer pressure that made me do it!  The media's responsible!  It was the music!  Blame it on the music!  Society made me do it!
        Society is the problem.  If it weren't for today's society, everything would be just dandy.  The homeless would be housed; the lost would be found; and the misguided minds of the youth would all contain college degrees... and the elephants would use there ears to fly... and  the sun would rise in the north... and of course all the politicians would tell the truth.
        Society isn't to blame for our problems, we are.  Just because the media lionizes a simple idea doesn't mean it's going to solve all our problems.  If the headlines read: "Racial Bias Rocks the White House!!" suddenly everyone buys that paper so they can read about how Billary (yes, Bill + Hillary = Billary) wouldn't allow any black congressmen in the oval office, because the headline implies some scandalous act, but it's just a ploy to get people to give their money away.  If you took the time to read the story, you'd probably find out that it was only about Billary's second cousin, who's been twice removed, and has a fear of dogs.
        Just because it's written in black and white, and has been printed in a newspaper, doesn't mean it's the law.  Take me for example, how many of you are going to stand up and exclaim, "By Golly I've Been Doing It All Wrong!! I'm Going To Change My Ways From This Day Forth!"? I doubt I would have that kind of impression on any one. (If so, I'm in the wrong line of work).  Odds are everyone will read this column, laugh at the jokes, make the comment that he does, or doesn't have a point, and then complain that my next column isn't out yet and that society is to blame for the delay.
        All of us were born with the ability to reason, but we don't need to know how to do that, we're Americans!  We're free to be as lazy as we want and then blame television and the pinheads in congress for our failures.  If you're a twice convicted murderer who enjoys pushing their victims off of ledges, don't worry, you can blame the Road Runner cartoon as the source of your actions.  And if that doesn't work, plead insanity.  That always works.
        Somewhere along the line you've got to take responsibility for what you've done.  I can still remember when I got my first (and only) speeding ticket in my '79 Station Wagon.  "88 in a 55," it read, along with another little number at the bottom that said, "fine: $279."  When my father asked me if I knew I was going that fast I said "yes".  Did you get that?  I said "yes," not "no, because the radio was too loud," or "no, I was too busy trying to lose that cop that was behind me."  I said I knew that I was doing it and I knew it was wrong, and took the punishment given.  I see now that it was a mistake, and that is was more than a little stupid, but I know I'll never do it again, not because my parents decided it was wrong, but because I did.
        It all comes down to responsibility.  Can you say "re-spon-si-bil-i-ty?"  My old buddy Webster defines it as the ability to take charge of or be trusted with important matters.  However, these days we don't seem to care much about what we are responsible for.  You just find someone else to blame and all you problems are solved.
        How about shoplifting for example.  Say a little boy steals one of those little tags that come on clothing (you know, the kind that set off the alarm).  When the sweet little boy steps through the doorway, suddenly lights start flashing and buzzers are screaming, and the poor little boy gets in trouble.  The only question is:  who's fault is it that the child did this?  Are the parents hanging their heads mumbling, "Is it our fault? Where did we go wrong? Was it the Curious George books we read him as a child?  Or maybe the Bevis and Butthead show is our downfall.  No, it couldn't possibly be our fault."  Perhaps if we lived in a perfect world we'd all take responsibility for our actions and all the little things like lawyers and the Supreme Court wouldn't have to exist.
        But of course, our world is unfortunately far from perfect, we have crime, we have murders, we have three cheese tacos, we have those "fun size" candy bars (What's the deal with those anyway?  They're a fourth of the size of the regular candy bars!  What's so fun about that?!  They should be called "boring size," and the "fun size" should be three feet long!), we have crooked politicians, we have day light savings, we have chickens that cross the road, we have those little velvet ropes at the movie theaters (because heaven knows we'd never be able to survive without them), and we have a system of currency that exists solely on the concept of debt... but don't worry.  And wipe that tear drop from your eye because it's not you problem, it's all society's fault.